A calm first checklist
after separation.

Before anything else, attend to personal safety. Where there is family violence, threatening behaviour or a sense of immediate danger, contacting emergency services or a specialist support service should come first. In Australia, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) offers confidential national support, and 000 is the appropriate number in an emergency.

Practical safety also includes safe accommodation, even temporarily; access to essential medication; identification documents; keys; and personal belongings. Consider arrangements for children and pets, and where they will sleep over the coming nights. These early decisions do not need to determine anything long term.

It can be useful to keep a private written record of when separation occurred and what was said or agreed at the time. Note whether the parties are continuing to live under one roof, any changes to sleeping, financial or domestic arrangements, and significant communications about the separation.

No single document conclusively establishes the legal date of separation, but a contemporaneous note can be helpful later, particularly if recollections differ.

There is an important distinction between ensuring you can meet ordinary living expenses and making aggressive or unexplained transfers. Securing the basics is reasonable; emptying joint accounts or disposing of assets generally is not, and may be viewed unfavourably later.

• Check access to transaction accounts and that your card and online banking still work.
• Ensure income continues to be received into an account you can access.
• Identify direct debits and recurring commitments, including subscriptions and insurances.
• Review joint credit cards and any shared lines of credit.
• Open an individual account in your sole name where appropriate.
• Keep clear records of any significant transfers and the reason for them.

Urgent legal advice may be needed where money is being withheld, removed or used to exert control. For more on managing shared accounts after separation, see joint bank accounts after separation.

Many people share devices, passwords and recovery details without thinking about it. After separation, those shared logins can quietly become a source of risk. Work calmly through the accounts that matter most:

• Personal email — change the password and review recovery settings.
• Banking and investment platforms.
• Cloud storage and photo libraries.
• Social media accounts.
• MyGov and other government services.
• Password managers, including any shared vaults.
• Device passcodes and biometric access.
• Two-factor authentication, recovery email addresses and mobile numbers.

Do not access accounts you are not legally entitled to access. The aim is to secure your own accounts, not to interfere with anyone else's.

A clear picture of the financial position is one of the most useful things you can build in the first few weeks. Preserve existing records rather than alter, conceal or remove documents improperly. Where possible, collect:

• Recent bank statements for all accounts.
• Credit card statements.
• Mortgage and loan documents, including offset and redraw details.
• Tax returns and notices of assessment for recent years.
• Payslips and other employment information.
• Superannuation statements and member numbers.
• Property records, including title and recent valuations.
• Share and investment account statements.
• Cryptocurrency records, including exchange accounts and wallet details.
• Business, company, partnership and trust documents.
• Insurance policies — home, contents, car, life, income protection, health.
• Vehicle details, including registration and finance.
• Records of significant debts in either name.
• Records of inheritances, gifts and major contributions.
• A working note of current household expenses and living costs.

Storing copies somewhere private and secure — ideally outside any shared cloud account — is sensible. For more on how retirement savings are treated, see superannuation after separation.

The household keeps running through separation. It helps to map what is due, and when, so nothing important falls over while attention is elsewhere. Consider mortgage or rent, council rates, utilities, insurance, school and childcare fees, vehicle finance, subscriptions and household services. Identify which payments are due in the next few weeks and keep a simple record of who pays what after separation.

Leaving the home does not automatically determine ownership or final property rights, and remaining in the home does not either. Whether to stay or leave depends on safety, practicality and individual circumstances; it is not a decision that should be made under pressure or in isolation.

In the first weeks, the impulse to "do something" can be strong. Some decisions are very hard to undo. Where you can, pause before:

• Selling property.
• Transferring assets.
• Withdrawing large sums.
• Changing ownership structures.
• Signing informal settlement documents.
• Cancelling insurance.
• Resigning from employment.
• Making major gifts.
• Changing children's schools or living arrangements without proper consideration.

Holding steady for a short period, while taking advice, is generally more useful than acting quickly.

For children, predictability matters more than perfection. Keeping school, childcare and medical routines steady can absorb a lot of the disruption around them. Where possible, keep adult disputes out of their hearing, keep communication factual, and record any temporary arrangements that are working. Safety and stability come first.

This guide is not a substitute for considered parenting advice. For a fuller treatment, see putting children first after separation. For a closer look at how parenting plans differ from consent orders, see the dedicated guide. For understanding how children's views are considered, see the related article.

Different professionals serve different purposes, and few people need all of them at once. Depending on the circumstances, the relevant roles may include:

• Family lawyers, for advice on rights, obligations and process.
• Mediators, where there is willingness to discuss arrangements directly.
• Financial advisers, for cash-flow, superannuation and long-term planning.
• Accountants, particularly where there are businesses, trusts or tax considerations.
• Mortgage brokers, for refinance options and serviceability.
• Counsellors and psychologists, for personal and family support.
• Family-violence support services, where safety is a concern.

It is reasonable to start with one or two and add others as questions emerge. For an overview of ways to resolve property settlement without going to court, see the dedicated guide. For more on mediation after separation, see the Mediation cornerstone guide.

Many of the larger questions do not need to be answered in the first few days. These often include:

• Final property division.
• Sale of the family home.
• Long-term parenting arrangements.
• A formal divorce application. For more on the formal divorce process, see the dedicated guide.
• Major investment decisions.
• Permanent relocation. For more on what to consider before moving with a child, see the dedicated guide.
• Detailed retirement planning.

That said, legal deadlines may apply in some circumstances, and urgent risks may need an earlier response. For an overview of the deadlines that apply to property matters, see time limits for property settlement. Where time limits or significant risks are involved, advice should be obtained.

A simple list to return to during a difficult week:

1. Attend to immediate safety, for yourself and any children.
2. Secure identification, essential medication and personal items.
3. Record the date and circumstances of separation.
4. Confirm access to ordinary funds and income.
5. Protect key digital accounts and recovery details.
6. Gather core financial records and store copies privately.
7. Identify urgent bills and household payments.
8. Preserve important communications.
9. Avoid major asset transfers or irreversible decisions.
10. Arrange initial professional advice where it is needed.