Parenting arrangements after separation:
putting children first.

Parenting arrangements may cover a wide range of practical and decision-making issues, including:

• Where a child lives.
• When a child spends time with each parent or another significant person.
• Communication by phone or video.
• Schooling.
• Medical care.
• Extracurricular activities.
• Holidays and special occasions.
• Travel.
• Changeovers.
• Decision-making about major long-term issues.
• Communication between the adults.
• How future disagreements will be managed.

Arrangements may be informal, recorded in a parenting plan, or made as parenting orders. Each form has different practical and legal consequences, considered below. Parenting arrangements are decided separately from the legal process for ending a marriage.

When a court makes parenting orders, the best interests of the child are the paramount consideration. Relevant themes generally include:

• Safety of the child and each person caring for the child.
• The child's developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs.
• The child's views, where appropriate.
• The child's relationships with parents and other significant people.
• Each proposed carer's capacity to meet the child's needs.
• Any history of family violence, abuse or neglect.
• Practical circumstances affecting the child.

These themes are not a checklist with equal weighting. Safety considerations carry particular weight, and the way the themes apply will depend on the family.

Equal time is not automatic. No parent has an automatic entitlement to a particular percentage of time. Arrangements depend on the child's best interests and practical circumstances. Equal time may suit some families but not others, and substantial and significant time may take many forms.

Decision-making about major long-term issues is a different matter from the time a child lives with or spends with each parent. Major long-term issues may include:

• Education.
• Major health decisions.
• Religious and cultural upbringing.
• Changes to the child's name.
• Significant changes to living arrangements that make time with another parent substantially more difficult.

Decision-making arrangements do not automatically determine the amount of time a child spends with either parent.

Ordinary day-to-day decisions are generally made by the person caring for the child at the time. These may include meals, bedtime, routine activities, ordinary discipline, transport, minor purchases and daily homework arrangements. They are distinct from major long-term decisions and do not ordinarily require joint approval.

Parenting arrangements may need to account for:

• Infancy and attachment.
• Feeding and sleep routines.
• School commitments.
• Adolescence and increasing independence.
• Sibling relationships.
• Disability or additional needs.
• Medical treatment.
• A child's temperament.
• Distance between households.

Rigid age-based rules rarely capture what is actually workable for a particular child.

A child's views may be relevant, but a child is not ordinarily asked to choose between parents. The significance of those views may depend on age, maturity, understanding, the circumstances in which the views were expressed, whether the child may have been influenced or pressured, and safety and welfare considerations. A child does not simply decide the outcome at a particular age. For a closer look at whether a child can choose which parent to live with, see the dedicated guide.

• Do not ask children to carry messages between households.
• Do not question children about the other household.
• Do not criticise the other parent in front of them.
• Avoid asking children to choose.
• Keep financial and legal disputes away from children.
• Reassure children that the separation is not their fault.
• Maintain age-appropriate explanations.

Temporary arrangements may need to cover where children will sleep, school and childcare, medication, clothing and belongings, transport, changeovers, contact with each parent, emergency contacts, costs and communication. An interim practical arrangement does not necessarily determine the long-term outcome.

For a broader orientation in the early days, see a calm first checklist.

Practical methods may include email, text, parenting applications, shared calendars, scheduled calls and concise written updates. Communication that is factual, child-focused, respectful, limited to necessary issues and suitable for later reference if needed tends to work best. No particular commercial application is recommended here.

Practical options may include school or childcare changeovers, neutral public locations, collection by a third person, staggered arrival times and supervised changeovers where necessary. Safety considerations may require a different arrangement again.

Some parents manage through informal arrangements. Possible advantages include flexibility, ease of adjustment and reduced formality. Possible risks include uncertainty, misunderstandings, difficulty enforcing the arrangement, disagreement about details, and instability for the child. Informal arrangements are not unsuitable in every case, but they are not appropriate in every case either.

A parenting plan is generally a written agreement between parents about the care, welfare and development of a child, signed and dated by both. A parenting plan is not enforced in the same way as a parenting order, but it may still be considered by a court in later proceedings. Legal advice may be useful before signing a parenting plan, particularly where existing orders are in place.

Parents who agree may ask the Court to make consent orders. In broad terms:

• Orders are legally binding.
• The Court must consider the child's best interests.
• Attendance at a contested hearing is not ordinarily required merely because consent orders are sought.
• Proposed orders need to be clear and workable.
• Required risk information and court documentation must be provided.

It should not be assumed that every proposed consent order is automatically approved. For a closer comparison, see parenting plans and consent orders.

Parenting orders may deal with living arrangements, time and communication, parental responsibility and decision-making, holidays, passports and overseas travel, changeovers, schooling, medical issues, communication between parents, supervision and restraints necessary for safety. Drafting detailed orders is a task for advice in the particular matter, not for a general guide.

Family Dispute Resolution is a specialised process conducted by a registered Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner. A person seeking parenting orders generally must make a genuine effort to resolve the dispute through FDR before filing, unless an exemption applies. The practitioner may issue a section 60I certificate in relevant circumstances.

For a fuller treatment of mediation and the surrounding process, see mediation after separation.

At a high level, exemptions may apply in circumstances involving matters such as family violence, child abuse or risk, urgency, inability to participate effectively, or certain recent breaches of parenting orders. This is a general indication, not an exhaustive legal test. Advice should be obtained where an exemption may be required.

Parenting arrangements must not compromise safety. Concerns may include physical violence, threats, coercive or controlling behaviour, stalking or monitoring, financial abuse, using children to exert pressure, unsafe changeovers, and risk of child abuse or neglect.

Possible protective arrangements may include supervised time, supervised changeovers, separate communication channels, restrictions on contact, urgent court orders, family-violence intervention orders and support services. The availability of safeguards does not, by itself, make mediation appropriate in every matter.

Urgent legal advice may be necessary where a child has been taken or not returned, there is an immediate safety risk, a parent threatens to remove a child interstate or overseas, passports or travel are a concern, a child is exposed to violence or abuse, urgent medical or schooling decisions are being obstructed, or existing orders are being seriously breached. Urgent orders are not guaranteed, and detailed procedural advice belongs with a lawyer in the particular matter.

A parent should not assume they can relocate a child in a way that substantially affects the child's relationship with another parent without agreement or appropriate orders. Relevant considerations may include the reason for the proposed move, the child's relationships, schooling and support networks, travel time and cost, practical alternatives, safety, and the child's views where appropriate. Neither the relocating nor the opposing parent automatically succeeds. For a closer look at relocating with a child after separation, see the dedicated guide.

Consider written consent, passports, itinerary and contact details, existing parenting orders, international travel restrictions, the risk of non-return, and the Family Law Watchlist in appropriate cases. Where international child-abduction concerns arise, specialist advice should be obtained immediately rather than acted on through this guide.

Parenting arrangements may involve grandparents, relatives or other people significant to the child. The legal focus remains the child's best interests, not an automatic adult entitlement to time.

New partners, step-siblings, gradual introductions, consistency and boundaries, and the effect of new relationships on existing arrangements may all need careful thought. A new partner is not asked to replace a parent, and the focus remains on the child rather than the adults.

Clarity tends to be helpful about enrolment, access to school information, parent-teacher meetings, medical records, consent to treatment, medication, specialist appointments and emergency decisions. Not every ordinary appointment requires joint approval; the focus is on major long-term issues and on appropriate access to information.

Child support and parenting arrangements are related practically but legally distinct. Non-payment of child support does not ordinarily justify withholding time, and missed time does not ordinarily justify stopping child-support payments. As explained in the cornerstone guide, child support is dealt with through a separate financial system administered by Services Australia. A calculation in any particular case requires advice rather than a general guide.

Possible next steps may include direct discussion, Family Dispute Resolution, lawyer-assisted negotiation, interim written arrangements, consent orders if agreement is reached, court proceedings where necessary and urgent applications where risk exists. Court proceedings are not a failure; they are one of several legitimate ways to resolve disputes where other steps are unsuitable or have not worked.

For a closer look at non-court resolution in property matters — and the distinction from parenting processes — see reaching a property settlement without going to court.

At a high level, parenting proceedings may require an initiating application, proposed orders, a supporting affidavit where required, risk-related court forms, a section 60I certificate or evidence supporting an exemption, and compliance with applicable court procedures. Detailed form-filling instructions are not the subject of this guide.

In some proceedings, an Independent Children's Lawyer may be appointed, and a family consultant or expert may assess the family. The child's views and circumstances may be reported. The expert does not act as either parent's advocate. These steps do not occur in every case.

Parenting orders remain binding until changed, suspended or discharged. Parents should not simply ignore orders because circumstances have changed. Agreed variations may sometimes be recorded in a parenting plan, but the relationship between later plans and existing orders can be complex, and legal advice may be required.

Failing to comply with parenting orders may have legal consequences. The reason for non-compliance may matter; safety concerns require proper attention; self-help responses may worsen the situation; and advice should be obtained promptly. Detailed contravention procedure is beyond the scope of a general guide.

Arrangements may need review because of starting school, adolescence, new medical or developmental needs, relocation, changed work schedules, changed family circumstances, the child's evolving views or safety developments. Useful review does not require constant renegotiation; stability matters too.

1. Identify immediate safety concerns.
2. Document the child's current routine.
3. Keep communication child-focused.
4. Agree practical interim arrangements where possible.
5. Consider schooling, health and travel.
6. Keep children out of adult disputes.
7. Identify whether FDR is appropriate and safe.
8. Distinguish a parenting plan from consent orders.
9. Obtain advice before relocation or overseas travel.
10. Comply with existing orders.
11. Seek urgent help where a child is at risk.
12. Review arrangements as the child's needs change.

• “Equal time is automatic.” It is not.
• “Parental responsibility and time mean the same thing.” They do not.
• “A child can decide at a particular age.” They cannot simply decide the outcome.
• “A parenting plan is the same as a court order.” It is not enforced in the same way.
• “Every parenting dispute must attend FDR, even where an exemption applies.” Exemptions exist.
• “The mediator decides the parenting arrangements.” The mediator does not decide.
• “Child support can be withheld if time does not occur.” The two are legally distinct.
• “Leaving the family home means losing parenting rights.” It generally does not, in itself.
• “A parent can relocate first and sort it out later.” This carries serious risk.
• “Existing parenting orders can simply be ignored if both parents no longer like them.” They remain binding until properly changed.